New Music: The Civil Wars – Poison & Wine

Harmony – [hahr-muh-nee] - noun, plural –nies agreement; accord; harmonious relations a consistent, orderly, or pleasing arrangement of parts; congruity

Juxtaposition – [juhk-stuh-puh-zish-uhn] -noun the state of being close together or side by side. to place close together or side by side, esp. for comparison or contrast

She is from Santa Cruz, Ca      –      He is from Florence, Al

She grew up singing in church      –      He came up singing in bars

She’s a delicate soprano      –      He’s a husky baritone

What do call you this harmonious juxtaposition?

The Civil Wars

With everything you have learned so far, would it surprise you to know that their first single is charged with a beautiful tension of love & hate?

“You only know what I want you to

I know everything you don’t want me to

Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine

Oh you think your dreams are the same as mine

Oh I don’t love you but I always will

I wish you’d hold me when I turn my back

The less I give the more I get back

Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise

I don’t have a choice but I still choose you

Oh I don’t love you but I always will”

 

Does this tension ever resonate in your relationships at times?

 

How [not] to talk about tough stuff

I made a mistake this week of being negative of someone else’s opinion on a particular topic before I even tried to see it from their perspective. That was stupid…

I made this mistake in the midst of preparing for a series of long discussions this weekend.

After processing my temporary stupidity, I remembered a few resources that my wife had shared with me over the summer. (Better late than never) I share them with you, so that you may avoid my error and maybe even help others to prepare for hard conversations.

Enjoy!

1) The first article explains how one professor opens the conversation with their students and explores the question; “What is your immediate response to information that doesn’t fit your current belief system?” http://www.edchange.org/publications/cognitive-dissonance.pdf

2) Another interesting article comes from the folks at www.tolerance.org:

Setting the Stage for Controversial Topics

What does ice cream have to do with controversy?

I know controversial issues will come up in my educational psychology course, so halfway through the first class, I take students out in the hall and mark off an area about 40-feet long with sections ranging from 1 to 10.

Then I say, “Don’t talk during this exercise, but keep your eyes open. I’m going to name some concepts, items or titles. I want you to move to an area based on how you rate each one. For instance, if you like something a great deal, move to the 7-8 area. If you love it, move to 10. If you really hate it, move to the 1-2 area.” Then I read the following list:

ice cream
boiled okra
professional athletes
jazz
opera
rock ‘n’ roll
rap/hip hop
lawyers

After each concept or item, I allow students time to move and look at where their peers moved. Inevitably, even with ice cream, there is never total agreement. With each new topic, there’s a lot of movement, a lot of looking around, some laughter and a few sotto voce remarks. Usually there are extreme reactions to every item (typically, boiled okra doesn’t fare too well).

When we return to the classroom, I ask, “What is the point of this exercise?” I don’t have to prod the students. They talk about how different we are, how diverse, how we couldn’t agree completely on any of the items. Someone will usually note people didn’t react stereotypically; the men didn’t all react the same way, nor did the women, nor did the European Americans, nor did the African Americans. What starts out as a funny, weird exercise takes on a serious, thoughtful dimension.

At this point I say, “I want you to remember this exercise, especially when we get into the more controversial areas of discussion this term. Remember: We can’t even agree on ice cream in this class. When specific issues come up in the course, expect a diversity of opinion and experiences. Respect those opinions.”

Later in the semester, if a discussion becomes particularly heated, I’ll interject: “It’s clear we are divided on this issue. That’s not surprising. Remember: We can’t even agree on ice cream in this class.”

 

How do you prepare for difficult conversations?

Great Cause: Rewriting the Story by The Mentoring Project

If you haven’t read Donald Miller’s latest book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, you should do it now.

Okay, not now… finish this blog entry then you should be compelled to buy the book and read it. If you live near me, and you are very fast, I will loan one of my copies. Yes, I have two!

In his latest offering Don walks you through his process of reviewing (and editing) his life, wondering if what makes a good story on screen would make a good life. Out of Don’s “narrative” journey he launched an initiative “to respond to the American crisis of fatherlessness by inspiring and equipping faith communities to mentor fatherless boys.” This is The Mentoring Project. You can learn about what they are doing at http://thementoringproject.org/.

Please watch their latest video and pass it on.

Who taught you?

This weekend I finally got around to fixing the noisy front end on my wife’s van. I knew she needed a new wheel bearing hub, but I had no idea that we had actually run one brake pad down to almost nothing but metal.

Hey honey, I found the source of your foul and mysterious grinding noise!

With the weather finally in the 50s I invited the boys down to the garage to play and hang out. The four year old threw balls and rode his scooter around. Not at all interested in what I was doing to the van.

My six year old, however, he was asking questions the whole time.

What is that?     Why do you have to do that?     Is that dangerous?     Can I help now?

He kept bringing over some of his “tools” to compare them to mine. He was very excited that he had a lug wrench like Dad’s. So when I began working on the passenger side I let him help me take the wheel off and put it back on.

He decided to wear his helmet for safety, “in case I get hit in the head with that thing!”

After removing the caliper and pads, I was removing a bracket to get the rotor off, and he asked, “Dad, can I ask you something?”

This is how he begins questions he has been thinking about for a while. I gave my usual reply, “You just did.”

After rolling his eyes, like only a six year old can do, he asked, “How do you know what stuff to take off and how to take it off? There are lots of stuff in there.”

I told him that someone once showed me how to do one side and then watched me do the other side. Then I told him it also took a lot of practice. We talked about making costly mistakes and trying again and teaching others how to fix brakes too.

He asked me if I would teach him some day, and I told him that he couldn’t drive one of my cars if he hadn’t helped me fix the brakes at least once.

Answering these questions got me thinking about all of the “teachers” I have had in my life.

You know whether it was how not to put a bike crank back together or how to properly do a brake job, to knowing how to be a husband, father or teacher myself – I have been blessed to have some wonderful teachers in my life.

It was a blessing to be reminded earlier this week of a man who touched my life in profound ways, and yet, I am not even sure he knows it.

To all who have “taught” me – my family and I thank you for spending the time and answering my questions.

What about you? Who taught you how to live, love and learn?

photos by  Heatheray (a.k.a. Mrs. Dirt Clod)

 

 

What women want… to know

Last week I was invited to attend a MOPS meeting. For those that are unfamiliar, MOPS stands for Mothers Of Pre-Schoolers. MOPS programs are faith-based gatherings of Moms “who all share a similar desire to be the very best moms they can be!” You can learn more about them here: MOPS.

While I do still have one not yet in school, I am not (nor have I ever been) a Mother! Why was I invited you ask, because these women had questions and they wanted answers. I know what you’re thinking and no I didn’t do anything to them or their gathering.

I and three other men were invited to answer questions about being Christian husbands, fathers and grandfathers. Answering these questions was much more difficult than I expected. It forced me to examine my all of my relationships; wife, kids, other husbands and wives – even my ministry.

A room of 30-40 wives and mothers were seeking answers to very specific questions!

I have listed the questions below for you.

How would you answer them?

How are we doing as preachers and teachers at addressing questions like these within our ministries?

• What would your advice be for a wife/mother whose husband is not saved?
• How do you and your spouse work as a team to balance work & family life?
• How would your life be different if you switched roles with your spouse?
• What do you do to de-stress after you walk through the door after work? How can we as wives help with the transition from work to home?
• What do you enjoy most about being a dad?
• How can we be more supportive to our husbands?
• Love & Respect…….What ways can we encourage our husbands and show respect?
• What pressures do you feel as a husband?
• What makes you feel loved?
• What would make you feel more comfortable as a dad?
• What do you want your wife to know?
• How has life changed after becoming a grandpa?
• How can wives (with small children especially) put their husbands before the children?
• In what ways do you stay connected to your grandchildren, whether they live close or far away?
• How do you and your wife handle differences in opinions that may arise when it comes to growing the family with more children?
• As dads and grandpa, how do you keep Christ at the center of your family? What recommendations would you give to other fathers that are struggling with this? What recommendations would you give to wives that desire this for their families?