I made a mistake this week of being negative of someone else’s opinion on a particular topic before I even tried to see it from their perspective. That was stupid…

I made this mistake in the midst of preparing for a series of long discussions this weekend.

After processing my temporary stupidity, I remembered a few resources that my wife had shared with me over the summer. (Better late than never) I share them with you, so that you may avoid my error and maybe even help others to prepare for hard conversations.

Enjoy!

1) The first article explains how one professor opens the conversation with their students and explores the question; “What is your immediate response to information that doesn’t fit your current belief system?” http://www.edchange.org/publications/cognitive-dissonance.pdf

2) Another interesting article comes from the folks at www.tolerance.org:

Setting the Stage for Controversial Topics

What does ice cream have to do with controversy?

I know controversial issues will come up in my educational psychology course, so halfway through the first class, I take students out in the hall and mark off an area about 40-feet long with sections ranging from 1 to 10.

Then I say, “Don’t talk during this exercise, but keep your eyes open. I’m going to name some concepts, items or titles. I want you to move to an area based on how you rate each one. For instance, if you like something a great deal, move to the 7-8 area. If you love it, move to 10. If you really hate it, move to the 1-2 area.” Then I read the following list:

ice cream
boiled okra
professional athletes
jazz
opera
rock ‘n’ roll
rap/hip hop
lawyers

After each concept or item, I allow students time to move and look at where their peers moved. Inevitably, even with ice cream, there is never total agreement. With each new topic, there’s a lot of movement, a lot of looking around, some laughter and a few sotto voce remarks. Usually there are extreme reactions to every item (typically, boiled okra doesn’t fare too well).

When we return to the classroom, I ask, “What is the point of this exercise?” I don’t have to prod the students. They talk about how different we are, how diverse, how we couldn’t agree completely on any of the items. Someone will usually note people didn’t react stereotypically; the men didn’t all react the same way, nor did the women, nor did the European Americans, nor did the African Americans. What starts out as a funny, weird exercise takes on a serious, thoughtful dimension.

At this point I say, “I want you to remember this exercise, especially when we get into the more controversial areas of discussion this term. Remember: We can’t even agree on ice cream in this class. When specific issues come up in the course, expect a diversity of opinion and experiences. Respect those opinions.”

Later in the semester, if a discussion becomes particularly heated, I’ll interject: “It’s clear we are divided on this issue. That’s not surprising. Remember: We can’t even agree on ice cream in this class.”

 

How do you prepare for difficult conversations?

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